Sunday, January 31, 2010

Don't Think

Why question
what feels right?
My heart
seems to accept
even as
My head
Or does
My head
the sanity of it
My heart
rejects the Black
and White
with no Rosy
certainly exists.
I think it colours
and clouds all around it.
So viscous
So opaque
that I do not move
do not think
only feel.
I cling
to the familiarity
it offers
and that familiarity
breeds comfort.
that cannot be
the complete equation
to my devotion.
There is an answer
Imbedded deeply
in recesses
I won't revisit.
I cannot
Will not
put voice
or logic to it.
Do not ask
I cannot answer.
I would rather
just be.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Take It To The Next Level

Ok, so I've been taking salsa lessons, as you all know (I seem to talk about it a lot, yeah, sorry).

I have been learning at the intermediate level for this past half year, and now I (think) I am ready for a change. A step up, perhaps.

I'm still a little intimidated with the idea of moving up to the advanced class. I know I shouldn't be-- the reason I had stuck with these particular instructors, and this particular group was because they are just great, so wonderful, helpful and fun.

I will be fine, the beginning is always awkward, the perfectionist and closet overachiever in me will fret that everyone else is making me look like a neophyte-- but that will pass soon enough. I'll catch up, quick-like, and be glad I made the decision to be brave and just get to it.

That doesn't make me any less intimidated, though.

So I've been mulling over my options. The instructors just introduced two new early bird specials for lessons next month: thirty-five dollars for any four lessons that month (maybe I can do a sampler?), and one-hundred dollars gets you unlimited access to lessons. Unlimited. Did you hear me the last time? Let me say it again: UNLIMITED. That one word sounded so sweet and tempting to me. I want it! I want to do as many lessons as humanly possible. Can I though? Is that pushing it? Fitting in one lesson a week between school and life is already kind of nuts. Hmmm...

There is also the possibility of semi-private lessons. Upside: more individual attention and fine- tuning to my technique. Downside: too pricey for the amount of time offered.

Any suggestions out there? The hundred dollar deal is sounding prettier by the moment, but someone might just pop an idea on me that I hadn't considered, something brilliant.

Oh-- my instructor told me last night that I "danced beautifully." Is that a sign? To do what-- go ahead and take the darn advanced classes? Or practice, practice, practice...?

I think she was just trying to bolster my spirits and be kind. Sigh.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Rules Changed Up On Me...

...I was just not aware. I don't know where I went when "they" decided to update, I must have been doing something so involved that the whole romance-dating game turned and stood on its head.

Now, here's the thing-- parts of me are very much for the equality of the sexes (heck, all of me is), but in matters of the heart, I remain stubbornly old-fashioned.

Let me clarify why I cling to the old-school ways before folks start going up in arms: I don't think that men should do all the bending over backwards while the ladies sit back and expect to be wooed, because it is "meant to be that way." I just truly believe the equilibrium is restored when men take that extra step to be central in a woman's life.

We women (on the most) are creatures who carefully deliberate on any actions we take. Nothing (important) that we decide in our life is thought up on a whim. So when we take our own steps forward to enter into a relationship (or even begin dating), we've already invested a bit of emotion and time into it.

At least I thought that's how it goes.

For all I know, women may have "evolved"(?) to be equal opportunity pursuers. How does that work? I am truly baffled. I still want to know that a person I am in a relationship with is putting in thought, effort and heart, too.

Hey, I'm willing to leap into the 21st century and compromise. Fifty-fifty is a good start.